Gentlemen Pirates of the High Seas

Somalia has always been a region wracked by conflict and poor economic performance. However, on September 25th the eyes of the world turned to the seas outside Somalia for a reason other than laughing and pointing at starving children. A group of approximately 20 Somali pirates have hijacked a Ukrainian freighter carrying an enormous amount of badass military hardware, including grenades, ammunition, and 33 tanks. The pirates have since been embroiled in a tense standoff, with 5 US warships surrounding it, a Russian frigate on its way, and NATO promising to send reinforcements. With literally the united military might of the world arrayed against them, the group of ill-armed pirates demanded to enter into negotiations, and nominated a spokesman for their 'organisation', Sugule Ali, who in a 45-minute phone interview discussed the pirates' demands ($20 million in ransom for the ship), and their political motivations (protecting the seas from illegal fishers and dumping). Sugule has a point, since following the obliteration of anything resembling a juridical or political structure in Somalia, its tuna-rich waters have been repeatedly overfished by commercial liners eager to cash in on the country's crisis.

However, the relentlessly awesome idea of a group of Somali fishermen turned pirates holding a massive freighter full of weapons up for ransom will no doubt be making Jerry Bruckheimer and Ridley Scott cum out of their eyes(Pirates of Somaliland!). They were unavailable for comment. The pirates themselves don't seem like too bad a lot. Somali pirates are infamous for brutal acts of wanton destruction, and this does happen to an unacceptable degree, but in fact the area has established a dangerous balance whereby most ships attacked are simply held for ransom. These particular pirates are demanding a huge sum of money, and are threatening to 'blow up the ship and its cargo - us included', if their demands are not met. Of course, once they get the money (if they aren't slaughtered by the military commando strike Lieutenant Nate Christensen of the 5th US fleet is proposing), they will face the interesting problem of actually getting far away enough from the arrayed forces of the world's military powers to actually use their booty(Pirates of Somaliland 2: Japes in Japan!, Pirates of Somaliland 3: Last Stand in Tajikistan!).