Wen Urges Leniency for Cambridge Shoe-Thrower: "Leave His Family to Mourn"

Wen Jiabao, China's premier, was the target of a German Cambridge student Martin Jahnke's shoe on February 2nd, while he was giving a speech on economic cooperation. In the aftermath, Mr. Wen has asked for leniency in the treatment of Mr. Jahnke. 

Mr. Jahnke has since been arrested, and after a few hours of prevarication, the Chinese media decided that the story would not sully the incandescent glory of the Chinese father-leaders, and released the facts surrounding the shoe-throwing.

Mr. Wen (pictured above with children he has forced to participate in his famous Mother Teresa impressions) has asked for Jahnke to be treated with clemency, stating that Mr. Jahnke's family need not be exterminated, and suggesting a brief 18-year stint in dissentor's prison for the unlucky Mr. Jahnke. 

Chinese Ambassador to London Fu Ying later moderated the Chinese premier's statement, adding that:

"Education is best for a young student, and I hope he will have the opportunity to continue his education. The return of a prodigal is worth more than gold."

Needless to say, these moralistic aphorisms do not apply to Chinese citizens, who can expect the harshest justice, courtesy of the hundred thousand effulgent fists of the Communist Party's august overmasters in the Politburo.