Kim Jong-ILL?

North Korea's 'Eternal President', Kim Jong-Il, failed to attend the 60th anniversary celebrations of his country's founding today, causing a storm of speculation over possible health problems, as well as producing this priceless picture of the dictator and his friends (pictured above). 

A US Intelligence spokesperson has posited that Kim Jong-Il may have suffered a stroke, and that this opened the floor for speculation as to whether the North Korean tyrant was still fit to govern. This observation opens the floor to speculation as to where the fuck US Intelligence has been for the past 14 years. 

Kim Jong-Il, who took over the reins of power after his father's death in 1994, commands the fifth largest standing army in the world, and is known for his canny diplomacy of brinksmanship, his repeated attempts to develop nuclear weapons, and his fondness for vast displays of synchronised dancing, which may or may not have inspired the dance choreography and political message of Britney Spears' single 'I'm a Slave 4 U'. 

His death could mean a breakthrough in a political impasse that has stymied reconciliation attempts between South and North Korea, still formally at war, for over a decade. That's all I'm saying.